I decided that I need an outlet that is not my job. So, here I am. I’m very much learning as I go here, so pardon the mess as I get this up and running. I’ve had blogs before, and I used to write a lot. Now, I feel like the only thing I know how to write is a professional(ish) e-mail. I was always told that I have a “strong voice.” I’m not sure if I know what that means, but it came from English teachers. So I guess that’s worth something, right?
This serves no practical purpose, and I struggle with that. Things that take up a lot of my time usually have to serve some practical purpose for me to partake. And I’ve realized that kinda sucks. There is absolutely zero fun in that, but that’s what happens when you graduate from college, get a big girl job, and start paying your student loans back. You start to lose yourself in the routine and think about what purpose your activities actually serve. If I’m not working, I’m becoming one with my couch watching many a depressing documentary or weird indie movie on Netflix just so I can turn my brain off. I know what you’re thinking, and no you don’t think that much when you’re watching a documentary. Someone else has already done the thinking for you. You sit there and take it in, and if you’re anything like me, you only choose to watch documentaries that align with your belief system. Sometimes I’ll change it up and go for a walk or a jog, or I’ll do a little yoga to ease the pain of what I have self-diagnosed as mild sciatica caused by the exorbitant amount of sitting on my ass I do on a daily basis. Sometimes I’ll go to dinner or have drinks with friends. I’m not a hermit, guys. I swear. I do fun things, but most of my life is extremely routine.
This probably makes me sound like I think far too highly of myself, but I have always thought that I have something valuable to say. Maybe the thing I have to say is that it’s still okay and probably incredibly normal to feel like you have no idea what the hell you’re doing at 28, 35, or maybe even 40. There are some things I do know, but I mostly have no clue. I’m sure I’ll look back on anything I write here and think what an idiot I was. This is what I think when I read by journal from my early twenties–how naïve and hyper-emotional I was. But maybe that’s the point: to be whatever I am at any point in time and be comfortable with it. MaybeI’ll entertain you with all of this at the same time. I might even be funny. Mostly, I’ll be angry. I express anger the best.
I’m kidding. But maybe I’m not. We’ll find out together.
But sincerely, thank you for reading this, and I hope you continue to check back.
Also, friends and family should continue to read at their own risk. Shit might get real.