Someone offered to impregnate me once

When I walk home from bars at night, I walk fast. I walk faster when these things happen.

Man outside bar: Hey, where you goin’ walking so fast?

Me: Home.

Man: Why? You got kids or sumpin? I have to spell that how it was pronounced for you to get the full effect.

Me: Nope. I’m still speed walking at this point. 

Man: Well if you want one, I’d be willing to go halfway with you.

And that’s when I managed to walk the fastest I may have every walked in my life.


Hey you! YES YOU!

Since I’m going on vacation this week, now would be a great time for you to catch up on my first three posts. I promise I’ll have more interesting things to talk about when I get back. Actually, I can’t promise that. I mean, I’ll talk about things. They just may not be that interesting.

What actually…?

Everyone may not actually be drunk

This is obviously a work in progress

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