Booty-lifting jeans are lies

Consider this a Public Service Announcement. Do not buy booty-lifting jeans unless you are a size 2-6 and have cute little skinny-girl ass shaped by years of yoga. Aside: I’m not shaming skinny girls or yoga addicts. I applaud your efforts and your metabolism. I guess in that case, no one has a reason to buy them because if you have that kind of ass, it’s already plenty perky. They tell you that putting these jeans on your body will give you the perky yoga ass affect. What actually happens is that all of your dimply ass-flaws will be exposed because they are mostly spandex-like, and it will look sort of like you’re wearing a diaper under those jeans. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate some stretch in my jeans, but there’s a point where they just aren’t jeans anymore. They aren’t even jeggings, and I would know because I own some quality jeggings (Banana Republic, ya’ll).

If you already have a sizable rear, but not the J.Lo kind that almost makes twerking acceptable, don’t. Just. Don’t.

You’re welcome.

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