I’m currently leaking ink

I got a tattooooooo!

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This is what it looks like when I spend an irresponsible amount of money, but hey, when you’ve been fantasizing about something for years, it might be time to pull the trigger.

A few years ago, I went to Portland when Harrison and I were going through a tough time and were unsure if we were going to stay together. One of us needed to remove ourselves from the situation. I was in Portland alone for a couple days and then a friend met me there. It rained so much. It poured every day that I was there. I came armed with my umbrella and carrying a broken spirit. As much as I love Denver, Portland was there when I needed it. I found my independence again in those days that I was alone navigating a new city in the rain. In the past, I’ve used rain as a metaphor for feelings. You can’t ignore them. You might be able to shield yourself a bit with the help of a good friend or an everyday distraction. In a downpour, an umbrella might help, but you will get wet no matter how much you try to avoid it. Feel your feelings; feel the rain.

I still love Portland, and this year, Harrison and I were able to enjoy the city together.

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If you’re in the Denver area and looking for some excellent tattoo artists, check out Certified Customs. You can also check them out on Instagram.

 

 

 

 

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I’m planning some changes and some additions around here soon. I’ve been posting here for almost 2 years, and it feels stagnant. Maybe I feel stagnant. That’s probably true. *sigh*

Maybe I’m not interesting enough. I’m not, but neither is anyone else.

The bottom line is that I want this to be better and more interesting for everyone involved. Myself included. I don’t want to bore you or myself.

If I’m being honest, I’m also feeling quite drained lately. It could be my day job. It could be the 45 presidency. I don’t know. I’m doing a lot work on finding balance and learning how I can have energy for all the things I want to make room for in my life. I’ll get there.

So here’s a bit of what I’m planning:

-A name change. “Everyone is Drunk” was funny and there was a weird meaning behind it, but I don’t think it reflects me or the things I post here very well. Sure, I can be funny sometimes, but sometimes I’m not. I’m especially not funny lately. It feels weird to be funny considering everything that’s happening. Also, this is not about drunk people, and I don’t even enjoy drunk people. I’m weighing some options. I’d like to pay homage to my favorite delicious snack- Chips and Salsa. You might see something like “_____ with a side of salsa.” Meditation with a side of salsa? Gibberish and salsa? Musings with a side of salsa?

-How about a Colorado or Denver specific section? I live here. I have always lived here. I love it here, so maybe I should talk about it more. Maybe I could make some recommendations of business to shop at, events to attend, or maybe some things to avoid.

-I’d like to share some of my yoga journey with, and maybe in doing so, remove some of the ideas about what a modern student of yoga looks like or acts like.

I have some bigger ideas to stretch my creativity that are long term. For now, I’ll work on making this a bit more interesting. It may take some time because I’m also in the middle of a WordPress course to learn more about how this shit works.

Stay tuned.

Not today motherfucker

This weekend. This fucking weekend.

I’m at a loss for words. Actually, I have a lot of words, but I don’t know how to make them into coherent thoughts. All I can say is that sad and ashamed that this is what we have become.

And as the news of the shooting at a mosque in Quebec City is breaking tonight, I’m sorry that the hateful shit we have brewed here is bubbling over into other places.

Thank you to everyone who has gathered around the country to protest. The work isn’t over. This is definitely not over.

I’m ready. I’ll be at the rally to protect our Muslim neighbors in Denver next weekend. Then I’ll be at the Colorado Stands with Planned Parenthood march the weekend after that.

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I mean… these people peacefully praying are definitely a danger to America. Puh-lease.
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My sentiments exactly.

P.S. I really wanted wanted to be at Denver International Airport last night, but I had to take my perpetually sick cat to the vet yesterday. Now he’s on antibiotics that are not sitting well in his belly. Subsequently, he has really smelly explosive diarrhea. Stinky icing on the already shit cake that been the last 2 days… or maybe the whole week.

P.P.S. Anyone else feel like they should consume as many margaritas as possible while we can still afford them? And also to numb the pain.

 

I don’t have to be okay with this, but I still have hope.

A few days after the 2008 election, I got a tattoo. The tattoo says, “There has never been anything false about hope,” and it’s followed by Barack Obama’s signature. The quote is from a speech he gave after losing the New Hampshire Primary to Hillary Clinton. For the record, I have tremendous respect for Hillary Clinton, and I did then as well. I never understood the vicious contempt for her. But Obama was my guy starting in 2004 when he spoke at the DNC.

I don’t know how many people told me I would regret my tattoo. I don’t. In fact, it’s my favorite of the four tattoos I have.

I am not okay with what’s about to happen tomorrow. I was upset and frustrated in 2004 when Kerry lost to Bush, but I was not afraid that we’d be blown to smithereens because the president pissed someone off via Twitter. Seriously, can someone make him stop with that crap? It’s embarrassing, and it’s dangerous. And that is only one tiny slice of what I’m afraid of.

I’m afraid for our public schools and teachers.

I’m afraid for minorities and immigrants.

I’m afraid that women who are victims of sex assault will be even less likely to come forward because there’s a perpetrator in the White House.

I’m afraid that my LGBT friends will lose some of the protections they’ve acquired under the Obama Administration.

I’m afraid I’ll lose my free and easy access to contraception along with millions of other women.

I’m afraid these same women will lose access to abortion.

I’m afraid for the environment—that the regulations that have helped us make progress on climate change will be rolled back.

I’m afraid I’ll lose my income-based student loan repayments.

I’m not afraid or sensitive to these issues because I’m a liberal snowflake. That’s a stupid term, and considering how hurt some of my more conservative friends were when Meryl Streep proclaimed that football and MMA are not the arts, I think the “snowflake” term might be inappropriately placed.

I’m afraid because I believe in empathy and humanity and that America is losing these. Boots in asses is not the American way no matter how much Toby Keith insists. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. And of course that guy was one of the only people who agreed to play the inauguration. Of course he was. In today’s ‘no shit’ news, Toby Keith is playing Trump’s inauguration. Oh and also Lee Greenwood. Duh.

We have fear for a reason. Fear ignites action. So don’t think for one second that I will not be here for the next 4 years calling out hypocrisy and hate and transforming this fear into action. I will be here because I still have hope, and I have a reminder of that etched into my skin.

Thank you President Obama.

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I feel ya, girl. (I have no idea where this came from, but it’s perfect. Thanks to whoever the artist is.)

About 2016

I’m aware 2016 is over and posting this now is annoying. I completed it (mostly) in 2016.

I’m really bad about taking time to reflect and remember things, whether it’s a period of time, an event, a book. I was thinking about the year, and I decided I needed some guidance. I found a series of questions online, and I thought it was kinda fun.

What did you do in 2016 that you’ve never done before?

I went to Austin and saw a bunch of bats fly at dusk. I traveled for work like a true grown-up. I saw the Grand Canyon! That was super rad.

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Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t really make any New Year’s Resolutions. At least that’s not what I called them. I said I wanted to read more, do more yoga, and unplug more often. Check. Check. And I’ll work on that last one.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nope! I have like-minded friends.

Did anyone close to you die?

Harrison’s grandmother died. I had only met her once, but that still sucked. Hopefully, everyone close to me will also make it through this year unscathed.

What places did you visit?

Austin, TX

Arizona- Sedona, Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest.

Atlanta, GA

NYC

What would you like to have in 2017 that you didn’t have in 2016?

Clear skin. I’ve never had that at any point in my life, though. I’m not holding my breath.

What dates from 2016 will be etched in your memory forever?

August 7th – My brother’s wedding

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July 17th– This was the night I ugly cried solidly through the first 3 songs at Adele’s concert in Denver.

June 12th– The shooting at Pulse Nightclub

May 12th– The night I went to a celebration of Prince’s life at Film on the Rocks at Red Rocks. Some of the best musicians in Denver played his songs, and my dad recited the whole movie as we watched it.

What was your biggest achievement this year?

Sticking to something. Yoga. It’s been a long time since I found something I wanted to dive into so much.

What was your biggest failure?

Maybe that the cushion in my bank account shrunk quite a bit. Moving was expensive, and I also need to get my shit together on that front. I’m working on making some spending changes like meal prepping to avoid eating out so much and making coffee at home in the morning instead of buying it.

Did you suffer from illness or injury?

Only a stress-induced cold, and I think I broke my pinky toe for about the 5th time.

What was the best thing you bought?

It’s a tie between my yoga mat and my yoga membership for sure.

Where did most of your money go?

Food. Always food. This is why I need to make some changes, people. Please don’t invite me to dinner.

What did you get really, really excited about?

Every show I went to this year whether it was music, comedy, theater. Live entertainment excites me every time.

Also, yoga.

What song will always remind you of 2016?

Purple Mothafuckin’ Rain.

I wasn’t born when it originally came out, okay!!

Compared to this time last year, are you a) happier or sadder, b) thinner or fatter, c) richer or poorer?

I am happier for sure.

Can we stop asking people about weight gain or loss, please? It isn’t everything. Love yourself. How about I’m basically the same size, I’m healthy, and I’m a lot stronger. Seriously, feel my biceps.

I’m probably poorer unfortunately. Maybe richer if we consider my 401k. At least I still contribute that that thing.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

I wish I had continued to look for a new job. I get lazy and complacent very easily because job-searching blows.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Work. I have a lot of vacation time in the bank for a reason.

How did you spend Christmas?

Harrison and I went to New York to visit his family where I met a very racist aunt. That was almost the most uncomfortable experience of the year. But the rest of it was nice. We hung out with his family, went into the city a few days. We went to the Whitney Museum (of course). We saw Chris Gethard’s one-man show, which is incredibly moving. Thank goodness he is a human who exists on this planet. The last night of our trip, we went to a show at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater where Janeane Garofalo happened to be on the line-up! Janeane!!!! I love her.

What was your favorite TV program?

Ah shiiiittt… So many. I love television. Stranger Things. Duh. You’re the Worst is hilarious. The Night Of. Ah… so good. Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was SO funny.

What was the best book you read?

“Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson. Hands down.

What did you want that you got?

A good yoga mat.

What did you want and not get?

A new tattoo. Maybe this year.

What was your favorite film of 2016?

Room was excellent. I also just saw Fences. Holy shit. Amazing. Viola Davis is phenomenal in that movie.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

30, bitches!!! I took the day off work. Harrison brought me breakfast, we went to a Yin Yoga class, saw a movie, and had dinner with my parents.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If Hillary Clinton had been elected instead of that almost illiterate shit stain on humanity, this year may have only been a small dumpster fire rather than the explosion of rotting garbage it was.

Who kept you sane?

Harrison. It’s always Harrison.

Who did you miss?

I miss my friend who is in law school in Cleveland all the time. She’s one of the smartest, toughest, and sanest people I know.

Who was the best new person you met?

I’m bad at meeting people. #introvertproblems

I think a few of Harrison’s comic friends are pretty cool.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016.

This is an excerpt from a post about yoga from a few months back. I’d say this about sums it up.

“What I’ve realized in the last few months is that being nice does doesn’t mean that you can’t have boundaries, and being open is not same thing as being naïve. Being happy does not mean you can’t take time to recognize the unhappy feelings. Being positive does not mean that you can’t also be realistic and logical.”

Show us one of your favorite photos from the year.

This isn’t a great picture, but this was a special experience. This was a vigil held at Cheesman Park in Denver at the shooting at Pulse Nightclub. They were expecting about 50 people, but even through the rain, the crowd of people who gathered to send their love to Orlando was incredible.

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Four weeks, no drinks

I started a 4 week challenge this week. During these 4 weeks, I will not consume alcohol. That’s the plan. Why, you ask? I’ll explain.

First, I should say that I’m not necessarily going into this with any outrageous expectations, or because I’m concerned that I have any sort of addiction issues. You may recall that I do not enjoy being drunk, and I do not enjoy being around other drunk humans. But I do enjoy drinking. When Harrison and I have nothing to do on a Saturday or Sunday, we find a brewery we haven’t been to, or we go to one of our nearby favorites and try something new they’ve recently put on tap. We live in Denver- the capitol of the best state for beer in the country, and we have a love affair with craft beer and supporting the local breweries who make them. What I’m saying is that I’m going to have to be a hell of a lot more creative with my free time over the next few weeks.

I’m not sure that my aversion to getting hammered means that I have a healthy relationship with alcohol, though. And it’s not just me; it’s basically my entire generation and even beyond that. We include alcohol in so many things we do on a daily basis. If we meet an old friend to catch up, we meet over drinks. If we want to keep it a little bit classy, it’ll be dinner and drinks. If we go out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, we go to bars. If we have a stressful day, we have a glass of wine or a beer (probably more like 2 or 3 or more regardless of beverage choice) to unwind. We drink at concerts, sporting events, plays, musicals, art galleries, parks, movie theaters. The hair salon I go to even keeps beer and wine on hand for customers, and several local craft breweries host yoga classes. It is everywhere, and to be honest if I screw this up, it’ll probably be because I’ll forget that I’m not supposed to be drinking right now. As I sit here approaching 30, it has simply become a natural thing to order a drink with dinner without even thinking twice about it.  I’m not saying this is a bad thing or that drinking is bad. I’m totally going to a brewery yoga class when this is all over, because those are two things I love.

What I’m saying is that I think that sometimes things we think we have control of get away from us, and we don’t even realize it. I notice as I get older, “just one more” is sometimes one too many, and I just don’t feel great. Let’s be real- this is totally a little bit about control for me. It’s definitely about giving my body a break, but it’s also definitely about control. This is me making sure that I have the ability to say “no” in circumstances where it is almost expected that I have a drink in my hand. Instead of thinking about this idea of what is socially expected, I need to make sure that I am being true to what I actually want at any given moment, in any establishment I find myself in.

I’ve had friends who have given up drinking for similar lengths of time. They have said that they lose a little weight, their skin clears, and their mind clears. Maybe some of those things will happen for me, maybe they won’t. It would be a bonus.

This is going to be hard, but so far, I’ve made it through a concert and dinners with Harrison where I would normally have a beer without even thinking about it. I’m excited to see how I feel at the end of 4 weeks. I’ll report back.

I didn’t know this is what I needed

If you recall (the two of you who have read this since the beginning), at the end of last year, I made a few goals for myself. One thing that I wanted to accomplish was to do more yoga. I have struggled so much with yoga in the past, but it was something I really wanted to figure out how to enjoy.

That was my first mistake- trying to figure it out. But that’s how my brain works. I took a personality test a few months ago, and my result was “Logistician.” I’m the kind of person who scoffs at the internet memes posted by yogis on Facebook. You know- the ones with uplifting quotes on a background of a grassy field at sunrise with the perfect Instagram filter. I ask why…. a lot. If something is “good for you,” I need someone to give me the reason it’s good for me using citable fact. It’s obnoxious, I know.

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What I’ve realized is that most things take on a different meaning for everyone, and this is no different. And another thing- THAT’S OKAY! I really struggled with what I was supposed to be feeling when I practiced yoga. I had been occasionally practicing yoga in my apartment using a YouTube video as a guide, and maybe I would find it in myself to go to a class about every 6 months. I couldn’t get excited about it. I couldn’t get over my anxiety about being good at it or not. Then one day, something clicked when I went to a yoga class taught by a friend of mine after a night of battling insomnia. On that particular day, it offered a kind of focus and control that I needed to feel better. (You’d think I’d have figured out how to feel like a human on little sleep at this point, but I definitely haven’t.) That class, the sense of belonging and community that my friend offers to her students was a game changer for me. I was instantly hooked. I started going to class once a week, then twice a week, and now I catch a class as often as I can, and I crave it.

To be honest, it was a little bit surprising that I suddenly had this thing that I desired to put work into. I haven’t felt that way about anything in a really long time. It didn’t come without challenges, and it still doesn’t. I still bargain with myself every time I head to class. Sometimes, as I sit in a room before class begins and look around at the thin and athletic people there, I have the urge to bolt for the door. I am neither thin or athletic, and I never have been. But then I stay. Sometimes I’ll lay on my mat and close my eyes and remember that this time is about me and no one else. I’m reminded that I have a friend who teaches this stuff, and she thinks I’m awesome and have great form. Ha!

There are days my body doesn’t do the things I want it to. My hips lock up, my feet cramp, or I can’t fold over and grab my feet as comfortably as I could yesterday. I get frustrated because I’m the “Logistician,” and I just want things to work. It’s all part of the ride, and unlike most things in my life, I’m somehow okay with it when things don’t go the exact way I want them to. It’s all about how I respond to it, which is something I can take with me.

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I’ve only been practicing yoga consistently for about 6 months. I’ve noticed changes both physically and mentally in ways that are more noticeable than any other period of my life. I have muscles I didn’t know were hiding under my skin. Sometimes I make Harrison feel my biceps- just for fun. I feel strong in my body like I never have, and I like that. I have a better relationship with sleep than I used to. I still fight insomnia sometimes, but far less often than I used to.

The mental changes I’ve noticed have been far more surprising than the physical mostly because of what I said before about scoffing at the uplifting memes. I still do that, and I probably will for a long time, maybe forever. I make unfair assumptions, I’m cranky sometimes, I’m cautious and sometimes suspicious of most people. I’ve been described as negative and misanthropic (mostly by people that don’t know me very well or as a joke, so I try not to let that get to me). I know people who are more comfortable being unhappy than happy, don’t do anything to help themselves, and subsequently make everyone around them miserable. I do not want to be that person. I want to be someone who respects others, treats people with kindness, and has the capacity for compassion and empathy. I am becoming the person I want to be – day by day, class by class. What I’ve realized in the last few months is that being nice does doesn’t mean that you can’t have boundaries, and being open is not same thing as being naïve. Being happy does not mean you can’t take time to recognize the unhappy feelings. Being positive does not mean that you can’t also be realistic and logical. Yoga has allowed me a safe environment to work through my personal shit in a way that I completely doubted could be effective for me. What I’m saying is that all the angry and sad people should probably try yoga.

Also, my sister (she plays soccer) said to me, “I’m running the whole time when I play soccer. You’re just standing.” I’ll let you know what happens when I get her to a class. It’s going to be AWESOME.