Me: I have a question and you’re not going to like my question.
Me: Have you clipped your toenails since we got back from New York? (I noticed when we were visiting Harrison’s parents for Christmas that his toenails had reached an uncomfortable length.)
Harrison: Blank stare
Me: You’re going to stab the poor woman at the reflexology place. You stabbed me while you slept.
Harrison: I don’t like the precedent we’re setting.
Me: What precedent? That I have to remind you to clip your toenails?
Harrison: I mean, why even get married? A transcript of this conversation should be our proof. (Internet- I’m providing proof that I’m basically married.)
Harrison: Now I have a question for you. When was the last time you took out the trash from your bathroom (yes, we have separate bathrooms) because it’s always overflowing.
Me: You’re probably right.
We’re disgusting people, and I’m not sure when we’re going to stop living like we’re in college.
Me: Can you get me a La Croix (pronounced La Crotch, which is what my co-workers decided on since no one seems to know how to actually pronounce this) out of the fridge?
Harrison: Ugh, I don’t know if I like that (meaning how I pronounce the brand of delicious sparkling water). Are you up to like three of these a day now?
Me: So? It’s zero calories.
Harrison: The only thing you’ve done more than drink these is watch this show. (He’s talking about the almost 4 whole seasons of Billy on the Street I’ve watched this week.)
Me: That won’t be the case much longer because I’m almost done with it. Also, they’re short episodes, and there’s only like 10 episodes a season.
Harrison is really judgmental.
P.S. I bet someone will judge my relationship based on the contents of this post. It’s a never-ending cycle.
This is an actual conversation that occurred between Harrison and me. The names of the friends I was talking about are changed to characters from Daria to protect their privacy, but also because I feel like it.
Me: I know I talk about keeping the house clean a lot, but it’s because whenever I go to Jane’s house or Quinn’s house, everything looks so nice. They even make their beds. I feel inferior.
Harrison: You don’t think they feel the same way about you sometimes?
Me: What do you mean?
Harrison: You’re in a stable relationship.
Me: You think we’re stable? So you don’t want to break up anytime soon?
Harrison: Do you know what a pain in the ass that would be at this point?
He loves me.